5 Story Pitches #1

Here are 5 premises of novels that I’m trying to pitch to literary agents. Which is more interesting? Which sounds the most appealing? Which needs the most work?
Any feedback on them would be appreciated.1285923823503

Title: Gods of Mountain

Genre: Epic Fantasy

The ultimate taboo is broken when a priest from the reclusive race of the Lunari teaches an outsider how to use their magic. The outsider decides to use this power to overthrow the tyrant who took over his city and shares his teachings with his old friend, Faulk, to help him. Instead of aiding him, Faulk travels to the homeland of the Lunari to find out how the magic came to be. Upon arriving he learns that the priest who let their magic loose in the world plans to trigger the ritual that has consequences for everyone living throughout the Knownlands.

O Dorado

Title: The Summoner’s Pact

Genre: Young Adult Fantasy

Apprentice Summoner Nathan is sent on a journey to find the Kairen Key, which has the power to seal the barrier to the world of the monstrous Melkai. With the use of Pact Items, Nathan can summon and command Melkai from this world to fight the wild Melkai that have already come through. His estranged sister is also searching for the key in the hope of gaining power over the escaping Melkai. Unlike her brother, she is unaware that by the time of the red moon the barrier will be broken and wild Melkai will roam freely in the land. It is up to Nathan to reunite with his sister, stop the Melkai manipulating her and reseal the barrier.Fenix_1

Title: Hero’s End

Genre: Contemporary/Military Fantasy

On their mission to deliver a mysterious weapon from Diran to Linth, Fenix and Ryan come across a Diran facility harboring  their new monstrous creations. Escaping, they make their way to the port but, after seeing what Diran had been creating, suspicions arise of what exactly they are transporting. It is revealed to be, not a weapon, but a glove with a prophecy attached to anyone who can wield it, bringing death to all that touch it but the one prophesied. Not until he accidentally puts the glove on and sees that he can manipulated water does Fenix realize that this prophecy is about him and brings with it consequences far outweighing their mission.

Title: The Body Will Followmovies-films-beginning-inception-city-coast-sea-the-destruction-of

Genre: Post-Apocalypse

Word Count: 75,000

Twenty years has passed since the implants that allowed people to cognitively access the internet malfunctioned. This left  only a tenth of the population with enough self awareness to be conscious of the decaying world around them. They have become Followers, humans who have had their brain’s gray matter fried and have barely managed to survive with their remaining motor functions. When Dick and his crew of surviving marauders are told that the malfunction was a purposeful ruse of one of the creators of the Neural Operating System, it is put upon them to stop them from manipulating the Followers and allow them to gain their cognitive functions.

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4 Responses to 5 Story Pitches #1

  1. Silvachief says:

    Way to spoil the third book in that first synopsis =/

    I agree that the Hero’s End synopsis needs more to hook a reader, like what the glove does, perhaps.

    The Body Will Follow sounds interesting but my medical student training is screaming at me that brain damage can’t simply heal (and you’d have to specify that the neural chips only fried specific parts of the users’ grey matter because…well, the grey matter is responsible for everything, not just motor commands – frying it means death XD).

    • Lazarinth says:

      Hah… do you mean spoiled for everyone else or for you? Coz the dialogue in book 2 “you get to witness my first two steps up the stairway to true godhood.” and “It’s some kind of ritual.” kind of spoiled it already. Or was that too subtle a hint and this should be an apology instead? If so, sorry, there are much better twists to look forward to in book 3. =/ I shall change up the last bit.

      True that, like why can’t anyone wield it and why it’s magical. I shall change it thusly.

      Seemed to picked up another spoiler for a reveal this one without even realizing it. All I need to put is ‘they are told that’.

  2. I like the sound of the first three the most 🙂
    To me, there wasn’t enough detail in Hero’s End to really know where it was going, and The Body Will Follow isn’t my kind of thing.

    Hope this helps, good luck 😀

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