My Rewrite of Another Author’s 1st Chapter

The trees around me sway as their branches catch in the breeze. Four fat rabbits rest in my hunting sack, its bottom soaked with their blood. As scrounging for food went, it was a successful outing. We wouldn’t go hungry tonight.

I hike through the forest, making my way home, my fist clenched tightly around the neck of the sack. It’s not like wildlife is hard to come by in Sunnan, but if I had been only hunting for myself, it wouldn’t have taken up most of my day.

From the reactions I usually receive upon my return, I get the impression Herinda and Grinden don’t appreciate the effort I put into making sure they have food to eat. They are still used to everything being provided for them by our parents, but they aren’t around anymore. Continue reading

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New Announcement

super-dungeon-treffin-art-860x420Here’s the announcement of a project I’ve been working on with several other authors.

https://ninjadivision.com/info/news/article/super-dungeon-novel-series-by-future-house-publishing

 

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Steady…

“General, they’re charging up the hill. Should we shoot?”
“Steady…”
“General, they’re well within firing range.”
“Steady…”
“General, they’re on our toes, sir!”
“Steady!”
“General, we’re being overru—ah!”
“Steady…”
“Necromancer, your army has been slaughtered. Surrender or we will claim your life also.”
“Now.”

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Dream State Saga

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300 Followers!

Another hurtle toward the triple digits has been passed.

Thank you, Maestro, for being my 300th follower!

Posts will follow.

giphy

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My first Audiobook has been released!

Any audiobook lovers out there, because Gods of the Mountain has been published as one. If this medium is your preference, this easily is the best example of my writing to date.
It hasn’t yet had a single bad review! XD

https://Audible.com/pd/Sci-Fi-Fantasy/Gods-of-the-Mountain-Audiobook/B07DV1D1SN

For the reviews: https://www.amazon.com/Gods-of-the-Mountain/dp/B07DTGN465/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

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My response to an article from a Sasuke Fan-boy.

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Original article: https://imgur.com/a/Iybcq5z

What you wrote on imgur was (both grammatically and argumentatively) bad:

Sasuke’s story is of a Shinobi who descended into the darkness
(By joining an evil group of shinobi, ironically something Itachi himself did, despite saying he wouldn’t follow in his brother’s footsteps. He did it to become strong enough to beat Itachi, despite knowing that Orochimaru had already been defeated by him and wanted his body for this reason. Duh-doi!)

& eventually rose to the light.
(Showing that either he realized his motives were stupid because he was proven wrong by Naruto, or that he still believed in them but just didn’t have the resolve to see them through.)

[Overcoming] his desire for revenge & his clan’s curse of hatred. [Dangling participle]
(A clan of one… congratulations, I guess?)

[Becoming] one of the greatest protectors of not only Konoha, but the world. [Dangling participle]
(I’m not going to argue for or against Boruto, the title speaks for itself.)

[Supporting] from the shadows like a true Shinobi. [Dangling participle]
(“Like” is a stretch here. Someone needs to look up the history of shinobi.)

Ever since his older brother murdered their clan,
(Completely unnecessary to stop a coup. It says in the manga that not all Uchiha were involved, so basically he killed hundreds of innocents for no other reason than a potential future insurrection, which Sasuke does anyway. So basically a whole clan dies for no reason. Good job, Itachi!)

Sasuke wanted to avenge their family by killing him.
(This is the only part of Sasuke’s story that makes sense. If his story was one of his desire for revenge turning into a desire for justice for his people, there would actually be a moral to this story, but no.)

He vowed that no matter what[] he would gain the power to do so. [Missing comma]
(Except following Itachi’s path by not killing Naruto to get the mangekyou sharingan, which wait, he decides doesn’t matter later on… and follows a group of wanted ninja… and become a mass murderer himself… where is a consistency here? That’s right, there is none.)

[Which] eventually led him to abandoning his comrades & village to achieve his goal. [No subject]
(To go learn from someone that he knows Itachi already defeated, which he knows wants to use his body, and which he knows is weaker than many of the S-Ranked ninja in Konoha!)

After fighting [Itachi] to the death, [he] learned the truth. [Subject switch]
(Itachi dies of a sickness which would have killed him anyway, making Sasuke’s revenge quest completely pointless other than to see it happened by other means than his own.)

[That] Itachi was ordered to kill their clan on behalf of Konoha to stop them from committing a Coup against the Government that oppressed them. [Dangling participle]
(Which Itachi could have refused to do considering the mission wasn’t voted on unanimously. Itachi’s character is written just as bad, if not worse than Sasuke’s)

[His] vengeance then directed toward the village. [Subject switch]
(Despite knowing that his brother did it for the village to prevent war? Did he think so little of his brother that he believed they could trick him into killing his whole clan and then not get revenge by himself? How little did he think of Itachi if he was like “Oh whoops, I killed my family because I was tricked.” and then not do something about it himself?)

Seeing his [Brother] during the war made him reconsider things. [Not a proper noun]
(Did it really? He still seems to think that Itachi was a victim of the system at this point, despite Itachi acting by his own retarded belief that his actions would’ve prevented war, which by the way, they didn’t.)

Itachi showed no remorse nor ill-will toward Konoha whosoever.
(No duh! Because he decided to do the mission to unnecessarily kill EVERYONE in his clan despite not having a unanimous vote. Damn right it wasn’t Konoha’s fault. Sasuke is avenging a paranoid schizophrenic at this point.)

So he wondered why. What is a Clan? What is a Shinobi? What is a Village? Why are they so important that Itachi would sacrifice their [Clan] to protect Konoha as it’s loyal Shinobi? [Not a proper noun]
(All moot as his actions were excessive in the extreme.)

He chose to speak with the Hokages’ to gain a better understanding of things. To decide whether to side with the village or his clan. [Dangling participle]
(Does he do this? This might have made sense but your links don’t show him speaking with them.)

Now knowing the importance of Shinobi & Villages, how they’re more important than individual clans,
(Considering the clans power struggle created the village, this argument is strange.)

Sasuke sought to change the corrupt system that led to things such as the Uchiha Massacre & multiple World Wars.
(Itachi did the massacre on his own volition, wars are a natural part of power’s effect on human tribalism. Unless this series is trying to redefine war, you should really do some more research on evolutionary psychology if you want to know how retarded this is.)

[To protect from the shadows like a true Shinobi.] [Repeatition from previous statement.]

He realized that the village itself wasn’t the problem – the system was, and formed a better plan for peace than Madara, Obito, and Nagato.
(No, he didn’t. Peace through fear or enmity of one man is not a better plan. As soon as that man dies, the power vacuum would result in even more conflict and victims. Duh Doi!)

At first[] he tried handling everything on his own through his [Revolution] plan. [Missing comma] [Proper noun?] [But] Naruto convinced him to work with his allies to ensure peace is maintained.
(Already explained why this is retarded. The fact that Sasuke changed his mind is a testament that he realized this glaringly obvious problem or that he didn’t really think it through to begin with, which I wouldn’t really put it past him to do. Considering the inconsistencies in his character, it seems to be common theme. If Kishimoto didn’t write him badly, then I will at least give you that she writes a really compelling ‘dumb’ character.)

He’s been doing so ever since.
[Bor…ruto]

His character & development is phenomenal.
(Phenomenally stupid.)

In addition to this, he has great abilities, skills, and battles throughout the entire series.
(… making most people completely ignore these glaring issues in his story. But then, I could do a whole new one of these of the inconsistencies in his powers.)

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